Body Image: How to Get Over It

You can’t. Not ever fully.

Life is full of ups and downs when it comes to how we, as women, perceive ourselves.

The most bomb-looking girl has body image issues. Whether she divulges it or not.

And a lot of people won’t.

We keep our “problem” areas to ourselves. So we don’t look weak. Dumb. Low self-esteem. Whatever.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I’m a body positive style blogger. If you look at my Instagram you’ll see my face beat, ensembles on point, and turbans wrapped to perfection.

To the naked eye, I look like I have it going on! Not one worry in my little world of fabulosity.

What people didn’t see was that a few days ago, I had a breakdown. And thought I was the ugliest thing to ever walk the earth.

Today, I’m back on track. A little.

But this week has been tough for my own body image. Self-esteem. Morale. Etc.

Next week will probably be much better, Insh’allah.

And this is OK!

Tulle Skirt: Society + (Purchase Here)

The problem with society is that they believe that girls, women should be confident, at the top of their games, and oh-so-perfect at all times.

Unrealistic.

We are hairy. We burp. We hate our bodies. We love our bodies. We cover them. Some of us don’t. We love. We shout. And some of us are more of a man than an actual man. LOL.

Body image is how we view ourselves regularly.

And sometimes, they can be totally extreme.

But I just want you to know that however you view yourself is OK.

You are allowed to just BE.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I will leave you with one thing, because I’m feeling extremely 70’s hippy right now.

You are gorgeous. You’re smart. And you have a wonderful smile that illuminates even the darkest of nights.

I want you to find something you adore about yourself. Then say it out loud. At least three times. And mean it! Then I want you to find something you love about another girl and tell her, out loud!

XOXO

Leah V.

Fat Girl Style Guide: Color Blocking

Myth: Fat Girls Can't Wear Bright Colors or Color Block.

Why? Because it makes them look bigger or brings unwanted attention to their 'problem' areas.  

Photo: Danni Little

First of all, an area of your body is only a 'problem' if YOU make it one. If you decide that you do, in fact, have an area that you just absolutely hate, then my suggestion is to change it or learn to accept it.

We've got to rewire our minds and thinking about our body and how we view it. Also about fashion and style. Because rules are sometimes meant to be broken.

Color blocking is simple and basically utilizes two (or more) bright colors to contrast one another. So here, I have a white vest with a red skirt from Society+ 

Color blocking gives a clean, contemporary look with an edgy feel. And is a style technique that anyone can partake in, even fat gals and guys :)

Shades: Have H.I.P.S. + Turban: Flossy's Suitcase + Shirt: Wal-Mart

A lot of people ask me, as a stylist, how can the cover or hide a big stomach or flabby arms with clothes. I tell them that they can either wear black all day, every day. And that no amount or kind of clothing will 'cover' or 'hide' the parts they don't care for. 

And furthermore, why are we always trying to hide and conceal everything?!? Because when you take your clothes off, it's just going to all hang out there anyways. lol.

Shoes: Payless

I want all my fat fashionistas to choose some crazy, bright colors and try color blocking! Make sure you hashtag #LeahVDaily on Instagram so I can see how you rock it!

And don't forget to visit Society+ and check out all the cool new inventory!

The Selfie: What's So Wrong About Being Confident?

I take quite a bit of selfies. You have to take at least 10 pictures to get that perfect one with the right light and angle. I love taking them, especially when I get my face beat. The excitement is real. Too real. Most of the time, I take mine outside or on the way to an event. Usually, people are around. Now, mind you, I don't really pay attention to people who glance or even shoot me a little smile and then goes back to their business, but it's the haters that stand there and grimace and stare the entire time I'm doing it.

Umm, ahem. *Clears throat* Do you mind? A little privacy while I capture this moment of contoured elation.

There was this one time, I was taking selfies at a networking event with some friends. On each floor, we took pictures because the light said NOT TODAY! There was this couple who was watching us the whole time. You know me, I'm a nice lady, but I keep it moving. On the last floor, their hate finally erupted. "Are you guys gonna take selfies on every floor?"

The face people make when they are uncomfortable with a fat, Black, Muslim girl taking selfies.

I've had four years of therapy to get my mind and mouth right...after I snapped out of all types of angry Black woman stereotypes, I finally gave an acceptable answer. I smiled then said, "Yes, we are."

What I really wanted to say was the following: Why you all up in mine? Mind yo bizness! And lastly, why are you so bothered?!?! 

So I threw up the deuces and continued with life.

But this isn't the first time that I've taken pictures of selfies in public and got weird stares. I'd really like to know, why are these people so bothered with what I'm doing? I'm not carrying an ax or performing street tricks, I'm either modeling or taking a picture of myself at a moment where I feel good and confident. And I want to share that moment with other people, or my friends, or keep it tucked away for myself on those low days. The days when I need reminding that I AM beautiful, no matter what.  

I believe that some are angry at the things that they themselves won't allow themselves to do. So when they see me taking selfies, being unapologetic about the way I look and feel, it angers them. I also think that some people feel like taking selfies is for the vain and arrogant. Now, I can't speak for others, but that's definitely not the case for me.

Why does this make people feel uncomfortable?

Selfies are supposed to be empowering. Not this evil act that people do to annoy others. I've had a few people who never took selfies before in their life take some and tag me. What I saw were bigger smiles, chins lifted higher, and that slick glow of confidence that I live for. What's so wrong about that? Want us to walk around like unfabulous zombies? Nah. Aint happening this way. 

And this isn't just a selfie thing, it's an epidemic of people being uncomfortable with you owning it: your life, your circle, and yourself. Yes, I'm fat and I look damn good and sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do! Haha.

I have the right to be confident in my skin and in my clothes. I can strut whenever I want. I can speak with authority if I want. No, I don't think I'm better than you or anyone else, but I make decisions for me that are going to make me happy (including selfies!!!). And if you don't like it then that, my friend, is a personal problem. And I hope that you can get some help for that.

Yonce' says it better. "I ain't sorry. N****, Hell nah!"   

Let's keep the conversation going: How do you feel about selfies? Yay or nay? 

And don't forget to follow my fashion shenanigans on IG @Lvernon2000 or on Snapchat @ LeahVDaily

Body Positivity: All Bodies Are Good Bodies

I’m not sure if there is like a real proper term for Body Positivity and when it was actually coined is beyond me, but I stumbled into the phrase like two years ago and was immediately enthralled.

Wait a minute! I didn’t have to hate myself when I was around girlfriends that were smaller than me? I could actually do my makeup and wear a bomb outfit and feel equally beautiful? I didn’t have to worry about what other people thought of my fat ass eating in public? I could love my body and be ok with it and if I wanted to lose or gain weight I could without regret? Sign me up!

Kelvin

So here’s the thing, internet trolls have equated Body Positivity to fat people wanting to glorify obesity. Are you kidding me?!?! Let’s get the record straight. I don’t know any plus blogger, fat activist, or curvy fashionista that openly says ‘hey, be fat and unhealthy or skinny and unhealthy.” Health is always a concern, but it’s YOUR personal concern. I can’t make you stop smoking, make you put down the cake, or anything else. But for you, as a Troll, to imply that I’m unhealthy because I’m fat or that I’m trying to make people obese because I’m confident in my skin is a no-no. R-E-S-P-E-C-T goes a long way people.

Sarah Jane Adams

Body Positivity means, to me, that ALL bodies should be celebrated: old ones, wrinkly ones, tight ones, fat ones, thin ones, lumpy ones, covered ones, nude ones, black ones, yellow ones, and pale ones.   

Don’t knock me because I’m fat and fab and confident in my OWN skin. Just because you believe that you could never be confident at my size is YOUR issue. Not mine.

Ali R.

How can I be a part of the Body Positive movement? Great question. Straight sized people (and even larger ones) are often afraid to join in the movement. But I say, the more the merrier. This isn’t an exclusive club for fashionable fatties, this is a human movement. It’s inclusive. No one should feel on the outskirts of positive movements in the right direction. We’re all just trying to make it day by day.

By just being you, being confident in your abilities as a HUMAN being and respecting and encouraging others to be the BEST they can be, then you’re already involved. Speaking out against fat-shaming or body shaming is a major one as well. If you see someone getting harped on for their size (of lack of) then you should step in. No one deserves to be shamed openly because of a physical attribute. No one.

Eden S.

And when you post your fabulous pics on social media there are like so many hashtags to use to let people know that you have joined the movement. We have #EffYourBeautyStandards which was created by Tess Holliday, #HonorMyCurves, #SelfiesForSelfLove, #NoBodyShame, and #BlackGirlMagic just to name a few.

Leah V.

Here a few more things you can do to promote Body Positivity:

1.       Wear what you want, when you want

2.       Put as much (or as little) makeup on as you want

3.       If you feel like saying some hating ass shit, don’t

4.       Own it, whatever ‘IT’ is

5.       Smile at other people, a lot  

Sarah Jane Adams

Hollywood In Detroit Gala

Last month, I was contacted by Amanda Bankston who works with several organizations, including Detroit Passport to the Arts. I was referred to her by a friend, Ramona, who owns this fab vintage resale shop in Highland Park. She said that I'd be a great addition to co-hosting their "Hollywood in Detroit" event at the Detroit Institute of Arts.

Any reason I have to dress up and get my face beat, you know I'm there!

Photo courtesy of Grace Liang

A few other local bloggers and fashion enthusiasts joined me on stage to talk about their businesses and their fashion inspirations.

As you can see, I played the fashion curator here, which I was very nervous about. I didn't know there was going to be an actual stage and a real microphone. Haha. I was also given notes with key points to remember, and I have a really bad memory which added to the nervousness. All in all, I didn't eat much before the show, so I was good and most importantly, I didn't vomit!

Right to Left: Grace, Jason, Me, and Ramona

As you all know, I'm in the D (what us natives call Detroit). And there's not a lot of opportunity here for creatives like LA or New York. So it's a definite hustle. Also, finding a genuine support group is also one in a million. Did my ladies come and support? They sure did. I was happy to see my friends and blogger buddies weather the snow storm to come support me at the event. I love yall!

Plus my friend/MUA came to take my pictures. Hehe. She's the only one who can get my good angles.

Rocking the Sephora Matte lippie in red. It's a really great product that doesn't leave your lips too dry like a lot of matte creams do.

Feelin' myself. Ladies (and gents) I suggest you try it out sometime. lol.

Ain't nothing wrong with a little belly jiggle. Yall feel me?

Ensemble Breakdown:

Turban: Joanne's Fabric Store (Yup, I'm crafty.)

Dress, Accessories, and Stole: Forever 21

Long Sheer Outer Dress: Torrid

Flats: Christian Sirano for Payless  

#BlackGirlMagic

This right here...is the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic

Your too angry. Your too aggressive. Your clothes are too tight. You got on too much makeup. Is your husband old? Does he beat you? Why do you cover your hair? Oh, you're from Detroit? You need to lose weight. Do you carry bombs under your scarf? Oh, you write? Everyone does that. Hehe.

These are a few of the real life questions and comments that I've received over the past few years.   

With the presence of Google, people just don't seem to get it. They don't get that my labels or the attributes that I was born with don't always define ME.

I like 80's alternative rock. I love soul food. I have several piercings. No tats. I have like a trillion degrees. I'm butt broke. And I enjoy Sci-fi fiction and X-men.   

Out of the blue, a local photographer emailed me. She introduced herself very nicely as Brooklyn Cashmere, said she followed me on the gram, and would like to do a shoot collaboration.

Here's the thing: I love to collaborate with unheard voices, local businesses, people who are hungry but don't get the recognition they necessarily deserve, or just don't have the access. For me, it's like the underdog winning the race.

I emailed her back saying fa' sho! WHEN and WHERE?

We met up in Downtown Detroit at this little bowling/pizza place. It was a weekday. No one was there. Great. We sat down and just talked. I asked her what she was about, what her angle was. She told me that she connected to my words more so than my fashion. I thought that shit was deep. Because, I'm like a writer first and fashion is a close second. She said that she was apprehensive to contact me because people in this industry can sometimes have some fucked up attitudes. I told her, trust me, I know the deal. People get a couple of followers on Tumblr or Instagram and their whole attitude changes into Mariah Carey status.

If you know me, or met me in person, I'm the type of gal that goes off energy and vibes. Brooklyn's vibe was cool, down-to-earth. I told her what I was about, too. My journey. I asked her what concept she had for a shoot. She said she wanted to go with the flow.

I said let's do something powerful. I want to be a rock star. And not just any rock star, but a rocker turbanista. I wanted fierceness. Anger. Confidence. And beauty wrapped into one.

I wanted to scream, kick, sing, smash things, and bring the Naomi Campbell attitude to level: 1000. Brooklyn was like ok! Lol. I searched Pinterest for ideas. Found some dope photos. I sent my MUA, Madinah some beauty ideas. And the day came and I was excited to kick ass.

This shoot was super experimental, and we all went in with a positive attitude. As artists, we have this idea in our heads of how we want something to go and it goes the way its supposed to.

I love for my photosets to tell the reader or viewer something. I want these photos to get you talking, get you thinking, and get you up and out of your shell. The shell that we all have a tendency to hide behind. Trust me, I have a few of them.

So to loop back around, remember all those crazy comments above? The ones people had said to me? This shoot is for all of you. Yeah, I'm still broke, haha. But I'm much happier because I'm being true to myself, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Yes, I'm angry, and, yeah I'm assertive still, but I have some good qualities, too. And they all intertwine together to make me, ME.  

Shoutout to the genius behind the camera, Brooklyn Cashmere and my MUA and friend, Madinah M.

Yall want the look?

Turban: Wrapped by me!

Dress: Divno Je

Shades: Forever 21

Jacket: JC Penney's

Jewelry (including lace gloves): Hot Topic

Leggings: Torrid

Boots: Payless

Curvy Trend: Nicki Minaj Collection & Torrid

It's cold in the D! Well, it was chilly in Traverse City, Michigan. My friends and I piled up in a small, white rental car and drove four hours to a rented lake house for a much needed girl's escape.

I feel bad for saying this, but I was looking for some black slacks and somehow, stumbled into Kmart. And as yall know, I have short, wide legs, and no one had anything that fit right. So, I'm in my local Kmart and stumble upon some gems. We've all heard about the Nicki Minaj Collection at Kmart. We might have had some preconceived notions about how her line would be, but I found this sweater in the clearance section that I was delighted to buy.

When I tell you this sweater is everything. It Is EVERYTHANG! Here's why I love it: a nice silhouette, doesn't ride up the back, long sleeves, and the zipper detailing on the sides. It went from the basic sweater look to that Va Va Voom ensemble.

I'm not sure what the Nicki Minaj collection for Kmart will bring for the Spring/Summer 16' but I'll definitely be looking out for any new pieces that I can add to my wardrobe.

Love the zipper detailing. You can actually zip and unzip them.

So now let's go to the second part of my outfit. The jeans! I only own one pair of jeans and they stretch and fit good. Nice length, too. I got those from Burlington. I wanted a darker pair, so I visited my local Torrid. I am obsessed with Torrid. A little pricey, but just hit them with those coupons and you should be good to go.

I bought a skinny jean in regular and it's a size 4. The stretch is nice and I like the length. I've only worn them once, so I'm still trying to 'break them in'. But so far so good. Hooray for Torrid. Hooking up the big booty gals :)

Wardrobe Breakdown:

Shades and Hat: Forever 21

Sweater: Kmart

Jeans: Torrid

Boots: Burlington

Necklace: Claire's

Curvy Enthusiast: Alysse Dalessandro of Ready To Stare

Alysse Dalessandro, activist, fat fashion guru, and owner of Ready To Stare, was gracious enough to grant me my very first interview on my new website platform this year. So exciting. I first came across her Instagram account about two years ago and fell in love with her boisterous style and outspoken posts on the body. I even had the pleasure of meeting her in person last year and hope to work with her in the future. She’s a pillar in the plus-community and her voice transcends our time. If you don’t know her, then get to know her:

LV: Let’s talk about your self-perception as a teen. How did you see yourself as an adolescent as far as beauty and self-esteem?

AD: In school, I was painfully shy, and I knew that I was different. One of the few fat kids, I matured much earlier than the other girls so fashion became my armor. And it still is. It was the one thing in my life that made me feel good, so when I would be bullied or rejected by my classmates, I stayed confident in my ability to put together looks. It didn’t matter if my classmates didn’t get them. In fact, I relished in being different. Fashion was empowering, and it started my pathway to self-love and acceptance. There’s something powerful about being able to express yourself.

LV: How did you stumble upon blogging?

AD: I actually wanted to be a blogger for a long time but was too scared to put myself out there. It had to do with the fear of not being good enough.

In 2012, I came up with the name Ready To Stare, my jewelry and accessory business. It was actually the name of the personal style blog that I was too scared to start. For the first two years, I was able to get my voice out there in the fashion world while remaining behind the scenes.

By the end of 2013, I felt stuck. My friend told me that I needed to put more of myself in my business by taking selfies and modeling for a Ready To Stare campaign. The reaction was huge. It gave me the confidence I needed to start my personal style blog, #StareStyle in May of 2014. And that entire year was a really big for my personal and business growth.  

LV: Explain what the Body Positive Movement means to you?

AD: To me it’s really about loving yourself and helping others to do the same. My definition of body positivity continues to evolve, because mainstream media has started to cover it without a full understanding of what it actual means. I’m increasingly frustrated by the loud voices of small plus-size or non plus-size women being lauded as the face of the body positive movement who do not represent my interests as a size 22/24. At this point, I really identify more with the fat acceptance movement than body positive.

LV: Describe your style.  

AD: I feel like my style is constantly evolving. My attitude to fashion is very much IDGAF about what people think I should wear. I strive to break fashion rules and help encourage people to dress the way that feels right for THEM, and not how anyone else thinks they should dress.

The way that I dress my fat body is a political statement, and I’m aware of that when I dress. My style is pretty bold, unapologetic and of course gaudy. I want you to stare. I want what I wear to make you think. Does it make you uncomfortable to see my fat body in this outfit? If so, why? I really think of fashion as tool to dismantle societal norms. 

LV: Share a part of yourself that you may not be so confident in but are working on.  

AD: Great question. I get asked so often about a part of my body that I am struggling to love and honestly, I have had much greater struggles learning to love myself on the inside than I ever had about my body. I still struggle with feeling worthy of things. I still doubt myself. But the one thing that someone could call me that will really hurt me is definitely not fat, it’s crazy.

LV: What is the biggest difference in your life post-blogging?

AD: I feel more free. I don’t feel as afraid as I used to.  I was always able to advocate for others and tell others they were worthy and good enough, but I couldn’t say the same thing to myself. Blogging really represents that personal shift for me. It’s funny with the increased amount of visibility, I face so much more criticism than I did before but because blogging was about finding my own inner strength, I am not fazed by that criticism.

LV: What are some of your top fashion influencers and why?

AD: I take a lot of inspiration from 90s fashion. I love everything RuPaul has even worn. I love the women from the blog, Advanced Style. I think older women who take risks with fashion are so important for fashion rule-breaking. I love Marie from The Curvy Fashionista not only because she’s an OG, but she really cares about making changes in this industry, and I have so much respect for her.

LV: What would you say to someone who said that hated themselves or how they looked?

AD: I would say to be kind to yourself. But there are so many little ways to start to combat those feelings of self-doubt. Take some selfies. Try a bold lipstick. Wear a bikini, even if it’s only in your bedroom mirror. Write a personal essay even if you never publish it. Do it FOR YOU. Challenge yourself to see yourself in a different light.

And don't forget to check out her social media feeds:

Website: www.readytostare.com

Blog: http://www.readytostare.com/blogs/starestyle

Twitter: https://twitter.com/readytostare

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/readytostare

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/readytostare/

Tumblr: http://readytostare.tumblr.com/